HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. CAREY

I have had a rough week. One of those, lose your phone, cannot get a good night of sleep, stressed about your last trip happenings and those to come in your upcoming one this weekend, sick dog, kind of weeks. And I am turning 25 in just a bit as well. Not that 25 is old, but I have viewed it as a sort of milestone for a long time. When I was younger I would think, “how awesome is my life going to be when I’m 25?!” “25?! Just imagine how many incredible things I will have accomplished!” “How many creative and awe-inspiring companies do you suppose I will be running by 25?”

Naturally, things are a bit different than that starry-eyed little lady had imagined. And not to be all, ‘woe is me’ or anything, but hitting this milestone has really had me questioning, how did I get here, what am I doing with my life, why haven’t I done more or at least made more progress towards my dreams? Remember how much of an awesome and motivated and driven and do-all-it-takes kinda person you used to be? Clearly something went awry along the way.

Then an odd thing happened. This morning, I was listening to some crappy radio station where they were announcing celebrity birthdays and for whatever reason when they announced that Drew Carey was turning 55 today, I thought, wow, 55? That is 30 years older than me. 30 years is a long time. 30 is even larger of a number than 25. And in the next 30 years, sure I probably will buy a house, change jobs a few times, but life won’t be totally changing as quickly as it was throughout these first 25 years. Surely in these next 30 I can truly be refining who it is that I am, determine what defines me, and figure out what sort of things I want to really accomplish in this lifetime. If you think about it, the amount of life changes that occur from 0-25 it is pretty nut-balls. For some reason, this made me feel better.

Sure I still wish that some of the decisions I made along the way were different, but there isn’t anything that I can’t work to correct or still make an effort to redirect my life towards (and I am.) At (nearly) 25 my biggest problems are: 1. I set totally unrealistic and impossible expectations of myself, pretty much guaranteeing failure and subsequent depression – time to start setting baby step, or reasonable goals for myslef, my life, my happiness; 2. I am a realist often leaning on the side of pessimism who uses sarcasm and self-deprecating humor as a crutch, yet at the same time, am a person who desperately wants to be a bright, colorful, optimist, rock star, creative junkie – but sometimes you have to just accept who you are and not get bent out of shape trying to fit into a mold that isn’t yours, even if your natural mold is in the shape of a black cloud, rather than a gold star; and 3.  I have chronic the-grass-is-always-greener syndrome and excel at looking at all that I have and compare it only to those who have it better, but the truth is, life is pretty sweet – putting things in perspective is on the top of the list of skills to develop in the next 30 years, preferably 3, not 30.

In summary, what I realized is that I am so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am so tired of then feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of my laziness and my immaturity. I am sure my loved ones are tired of all that as well. 24 has been a challenging year, but a good one in that a lot of thinking has been done, maybe not a ton of real action or progress, but mental planning for the very awesome things that HAVE to be in my future. Because I won’t settle for less.

And to end this post, I would like to thank Drew Carey. Thank you for being a lot older than me. And Joyeux Anniversaire to you!

drew-carey

/via/

P.S. That photo on the left is Mr. Carey about 33 years ago, age 22. Lookin’ sharp kid-Carey.

ryannplus30

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Miscellaneous Things I Wish I Owned, Volume Two

I spent a couple of days this week in downtown LA, which is a bit out of the ordinary for me, considering us South Bay-folk like to stay in our little bubble. While it was a wonderful experience with a few great friends, I left the city feeling young and re-inspired, yet super old and mundane at the same time. Needless to say, I ended up having a mild mental breakdown upon return to normal daily life, full of “who am I?”s, “what am I doing with my life,” or “how did I get HERE and where am I heading towards?” I don’t think I was able to fully answer any of those questions, after hours of self-pity-partying, but today I finally woke up remembering I don’t need to know or even ever fully figure out the solutions to these life problems. Sure it is great to have a plan and sense of direction, but I won’t get that time back that I spent feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I am turning 25 this year and it feels like this weird milestone that as kids we only looked to thinking “I wonder what awesome things I will be doing at age 25?,” and I am just not being honest enough with myself over what great things I have ACTUALLY already accomplished and what even more incredible things lie in my future. I am certainly a horrible pessimist most of the time, entirely cynical and self-deprecating, but every once in a while the positive and extremely motivated personality of my husband rubs off on me, bringing light to those gloomy days where I am simply giving in far too much to my negative thoughts. Maybe I am bipolar (probably shouldn’t joke about this sort of thing..) but just yesterday I was feeling terrible/depressed/confused, and suddenly today it clicked and I am feeling loved/grateful/hopeful. I know I am not the first to experience downer days like this, and I know it wont be my last, but I hope that if you ever have a few moments or thoughts of this variety, you do have someone wonderful in your life, like my husband, to help you power through it. And if not, I just want to extend the offer, for now and for always, that you can reach out to me and we can be sad little monkeys together and hopefully get past these sort of unmotivated and defeating moments.

I am not sure what any of this has to do with today’s post – nothing really, so how about we switch gears and put on those materialistic-hats, shall we? Here are five things that are super pretty and I want them. I want them and then I will Vine my doggie on or around or above or below them. And you will be very happy because you have yet another super adorable dog video for your viewing pleasure. Win-win-Jenny-win.

4 misc

1. Suck UK, Cloud Key Holder via Emmo home

2. West Elm, White Enamel Teapot

3. Mr. Perswall, White Marble Wall Paper

4. Urban Outfitters, Gold Gumball Desk Lamp

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