HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. CAREY

I have had a rough week. One of those, lose your phone, cannot get a good night of sleep, stressed about your last trip happenings and those to come in your upcoming one this weekend, sick dog, kind of weeks. And I am turning 25 in just a bit as well. Not that 25 is old, but I have viewed it as a sort of milestone for a long time. When I was younger I would think, “how awesome is my life going to be when I’m 25?!” “25?! Just imagine how many incredible things I will have accomplished!” “How many creative and awe-inspiring companies do you suppose I will be running by 25?”

Naturally, things are a bit different than that starry-eyed little lady had imagined. And not to be all, ‘woe is me’ or anything, but hitting this milestone has really had me questioning, how did I get here, what am I doing with my life, why haven’t I done more or at least made more progress towards my dreams? Remember how much of an awesome and motivated and driven and do-all-it-takes kinda person you used to be? Clearly something went awry along the way.

Then an odd thing happened. This morning, I was listening to some crappy radio station where they were announcing celebrity birthdays and for whatever reason when they announced that Drew Carey was turning 55 today, I thought, wow, 55? That is 30 years older than me. 30 years is a long time. 30 is even larger of a number than 25. And in the next 30 years, sure I probably will buy a house, change jobs a few times, but life won’t be totally changing as quickly as it was throughout these first 25 years. Surely in these next 30 I can truly be refining who it is that I am, determine what defines me, and figure out what sort of things I want to really accomplish in this lifetime. If you think about it, the amount of life changes that occur from 0-25 it is pretty nut-balls. For some reason, this made me feel better.

Sure I still wish that some of the decisions I made along the way were different, but there isn’t anything that I can’t work to correct or still make an effort to redirect my life towards (and I am.) At (nearly) 25 my biggest problems are: 1. I set totally unrealistic and impossible expectations of myself, pretty much guaranteeing failure and subsequent depression – time to start setting baby step, or reasonable goals for myslef, my life, my happiness; 2. I am a realist often leaning on the side of pessimism who uses sarcasm and self-deprecating humor as a crutch, yet at the same time, am a person who desperately wants to be a bright, colorful, optimist, rock star, creative junkie – but sometimes you have to just accept who you are and not get bent out of shape trying to fit into a mold that isn’t yours, even if your natural mold is in the shape of a black cloud, rather than a gold star; and 3.  I have chronic the-grass-is-always-greener syndrome and excel at looking at all that I have and compare it only to those who have it better, but the truth is, life is pretty sweet – putting things in perspective is on the top of the list of skills to develop in the next 30 years, preferably 3, not 30.

In summary, what I realized is that I am so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am so tired of then feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of my laziness and my immaturity. I am sure my loved ones are tired of all that as well. 24 has been a challenging year, but a good one in that a lot of thinking has been done, maybe not a ton of real action or progress, but mental planning for the very awesome things that HAVE to be in my future. Because I won’t settle for less.

And to end this post, I would like to thank Drew Carey. Thank you for being a lot older than me. And Joyeux Anniversaire to you!

drew-carey

/via/

P.S. That photo on the left is Mr. Carey about 33 years ago, age 22. Lookin’ sharp kid-Carey.

ryannplus30

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PAINTINGS

I don’t get nostalgic often. Sure, I appreciate and will mildly indulge in a sweet passing memory, but I don’t spend much time focusing around those thoughts as I find it occasionally leads to, for me, anyway, a shift in thinking – away from forward movement, to wishing some things were how they used to be. Or worse even, sometimes regret will enter the picture. And we all know regret loves to keep depression as close company. Then the next thing you know I am in the fetal position on the bathroom floor feeling sorry for myself for reasons I have already forgotten because all I can possibly do now is just be extremely sad. I probably (read: definitely) am exaggerating here, but my point is, I find myself looking forward, and only forward so much that I actually having created this false fear of looking back on things. It is so bad that I will often forget that it is also important to take an occasional step back to realize your accomplishments, remind yourself of where you came from and use that for wind in your sails. Gas in your tank. Pep in your step. Scoot in your boot.

This week I did some file organizing and found some pieces I hadn’t thought about in a while. Today, my primary focus when it comes to creating art has been graphic design, however, there was a time that I would spend my days/evenings/what is now considered my sleeping hours, in the painting studio. Over the last several years, I have done a painting or two, here and there, for friends or gifts mostly, but I can’t recall the time that I just painted because I felt like it or had a grand idea I wanted to see realized. Not to say my “commissioned” projects haven’t been fun, quite the contrary, actually, as I have greatly appreciated the excuse to get out my painting supplies. Yet today – as I look through some of my these aged files I am reminded of those wine nights with my fellow art students, listening to David Bowie or Iron and Wine or the latest band we were certain no one else in the universe but us knew about, and discussing the stress of the deadlines or our Art Professor’s passion for Tarot cards – I realize I should really revisit this practice. Maybe sans the deadlines.

To share a bit of this nostalgia with all of you, here are a few of the paintings I have done, once upon a time. (Are they great? No. Am I still proud/happy with them? You bet. Are they available for purchase or a gallery showing? Absolutely! Anytime! If fact, my studio is on wheels these days and ran out of my car due to the size of my current apartment – I can come to you! Home delivery, the latest in art collection convenience!)

wrath

taylor

thekaratestudio

angryalex

gluttony

Also, don’t ask me about my hair yet. It is still in the process…. patience my dears.

Miscellaneous Things I Wish I Owned, Volume Two

I spent a couple of days this week in downtown LA, which is a bit out of the ordinary for me, considering us South Bay-folk like to stay in our little bubble. While it was a wonderful experience with a few great friends, I left the city feeling young and re-inspired, yet super old and mundane at the same time. Needless to say, I ended up having a mild mental breakdown upon return to normal daily life, full of “who am I?”s, “what am I doing with my life,” or “how did I get HERE and where am I heading towards?” I don’t think I was able to fully answer any of those questions, after hours of self-pity-partying, but today I finally woke up remembering I don’t need to know or even ever fully figure out the solutions to these life problems. Sure it is great to have a plan and sense of direction, but I won’t get that time back that I spent feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I am turning 25 this year and it feels like this weird milestone that as kids we only looked to thinking “I wonder what awesome things I will be doing at age 25?,” and I am just not being honest enough with myself over what great things I have ACTUALLY already accomplished and what even more incredible things lie in my future. I am certainly a horrible pessimist most of the time, entirely cynical and self-deprecating, but every once in a while the positive and extremely motivated personality of my husband rubs off on me, bringing light to those gloomy days where I am simply giving in far too much to my negative thoughts. Maybe I am bipolar (probably shouldn’t joke about this sort of thing..) but just yesterday I was feeling terrible/depressed/confused, and suddenly today it clicked and I am feeling loved/grateful/hopeful. I know I am not the first to experience downer days like this, and I know it wont be my last, but I hope that if you ever have a few moments or thoughts of this variety, you do have someone wonderful in your life, like my husband, to help you power through it. And if not, I just want to extend the offer, for now and for always, that you can reach out to me and we can be sad little monkeys together and hopefully get past these sort of unmotivated and defeating moments.

I am not sure what any of this has to do with today’s post – nothing really, so how about we switch gears and put on those materialistic-hats, shall we? Here are five things that are super pretty and I want them. I want them and then I will Vine my doggie on or around or above or below them. And you will be very happy because you have yet another super adorable dog video for your viewing pleasure. Win-win-Jenny-win.

4 misc

1. Suck UK, Cloud Key Holder via Emmo home

2. West Elm, White Enamel Teapot

3. Mr. Perswall, White Marble Wall Paper

4. Urban Outfitters, Gold Gumball Desk Lamp

Miscellaneous Things I Wished I Owned, Volume 1

Am I the only one who would like to hit the reset button on 2013?

January 1 came this year and with it was a sourpuss attitude and zero motivation. Then depression set in. Why was I not being like the rest of the world and resolving to make some changes? Where was that new year energy and confidence that I was going to kick 2013’s tail-feather? Not sure. So far in January I have just felt defeated. It hasn’t helped that my life has just been totally crazy. Lots of changes, random/unexpected/unexciting busy-ness, and lots of stress. So earlier this week I started trying to take a step back. Figure my shiz out. I decided to let myself be excused of January. I know this is exactly what one isn’t supposed to do with the new year, but it’s what is happening. I am going to use the next two weeks to plan out my 2013 and celebrate my own fake new year February 1.

So what does that mean for the blog? Well, I don’t know all the details yet. I do know that I want 2013 to be the ‘Year of the Blog,’ make a logo, redo the website, all that badass-ness, but in the immediate future I am just going to be taking baby steps. First baby step – develop a reoccurring posting theme. Now this isn’t incredibly unique, of course, but I figured why not take advantage of the lists I am making daily.. meaning the lists of things I want to buy with all my imaginary lotto money..

Welcome to this weeks post. A few things for my home, something for my person, and even something for my doggie.

1.18.13 post

Olive – Go! Pet Design Field Tent: 

Sadly Jenny wouldn’t fit in this, but my goodness it is cute. Maybe, if/when we get another dog/cat/stuffed chicken, if it’s a small enough dog/cat/stuffed chicken we might/probably won’t get this (but I will wish we had.)

You He She – Gylda Jewellery:

This Danish site has a lot of really nice pieces. I don’t own a ton of jewelry, mostly because my money has found other priorities, but I still like to look and plan to maybe one day buy.

Present & Correct – Cut Out Number Calendar 2013:

Since I am giving myself a pass on January, that means I still have a couple weeks to finally get a calendar, right? Well, there are about a thousand beautiful ones that I can’t seem to decide between. Yesterday I was really loving something different, tomorrow it will be another polar opposite option, but today, this is my favorite.

All Organic Textiles Etsy Store – Handwoven Turkish Bath Towel:

I have been really thinking about replacing our boring bath towels over the last few months. These pretty little coffee colored numbers are certainly top contenders.

Torre & Tagus (Amazon) – Retro Flip Clock:

Don’t buy this clock. I was on the fence on including this at all, because it has horrible Amazon reviews, but I just love how it looks! So I am simply  filing it away as a style of bedside clock I want to keep an eye out for. You would think there would be a ton of these, but I haven’t found much that is similar. I want the look, but with five stars. If anyone knows where I can get something like this, stop keeping it a secret and let me know. 

 

In other exciting news, Alex said today that he has been thinking of “maybe starting a blog.” This of course could mean nothing, or it could mean that we could be totally cute blogging nerds together. Naturally his blog would be nothing like this one and have zero of the same readership, but I am still pretty excited about the possibilities. Keep your fingers, legs, and t’s crossed.

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